Expert: Clyde - 8/1/2008

Question
We are about to have to tell my dad that he cannot drive our 15 month old anywhere because of his recent lying/covert drinking and coming home from the golf course drunk, carrying alcohol in the back of his vehicle, sneaking to the car to drink.  Anyway, we didn't know what we could list as conditions for having driving privileges of his grandchild reinstated.  Any input?  HEre were our thoughts:
-must have breathalizer starter ignition in his car installed
-must attend AA
-must have sponsor
-must be 1 year in recovery
-must not lie to family

IS this too lenient??
--Amy

Answer
Amy,
    Thank you for your question and for your creative ways to make this contract happen.

    It is imperative, now that you know of the drinking and driving, that he NOT be allowed to drive with your 15 month old in the car. It is just too risky.

    He needs to understand that you are very concerned for your child's safety and for his safety as well.  Drinking and driving are just not compatible.

    I like the idea of the breathalyzer which renders the car undrivable but imagine if he is in charge of the baby and NEEDS to drive somewhere quickly to escape danger, etc. and he can't get the car started.  Just a thought.  I knew a fellow in AA who had such a device for a period and he experimented with his drinking and found the level of drinking that was just right and the level that was too much and outsmarted it most times.  Depending on a machine is not allowing the person to become trustworthy on their own.

    I think it is best to require that he be an active participating member of AA, working the steps, and have a sponsor whom he talks to frequently.  These folks, who know what it means to sober up and be responsible for a grandchild, can hold him accountable and teach him to be responsible for such privileges.  Unless he finds this a part of his daily life he will not change his behaviors.

    I hope this helps.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde