Expert: Druideck - 8/7/2008

Question
My husband is an alcoholic, a bad one. We lost our home in 2006 because he started drinking after 4 years and stopped working. I also lost my car because his drinking put our family in poverty. I have an autistic son who is from a different relationship and I do not work outside the home...
when he lost his job we went under.
He spent the ENTIRE year of 2007 in PRISON because of several DUI's. I took my son and rented a small apartment.
I was so afraid for both of us. I was/am angry that I lost my home. He got out of prison in April 2008 and I allowed him to come here, to my apt. because I believed his intense
rehab prison stay would have helped him. (Not to mention the letters of "I'll never drink again") He drank the first day out of prison. He has drank 7 times since and has already lost yet another job. He is 43, He gets violent when he drinks. I have almost NO FAMILY......my parents are dead and I have one sister who is not supportive.
I think I want a divorce.
I have went to a few alanon meetings.
I feel so alone.
Thank you,
Debbie

Answer
Debbie,

I know it is hard to be torn between wanting
a relationship and the reality that it
is likely never going to be normal with
an alcoholic.

Recovery takes committment to attending
counselling and programs like AA.

The hope that he will change is a slim
one. Few alcoholics recover and
if they do their relationships take
a back seat to recovery.

The real problem may be in your attraction
to a person that gives you very little
and has caused the loss of most that
was good in your life.

Many people are attracted to the excitement
and drama of a troubled alcoholic.
The reality is that normal men may seem
boring because they hold jobs, pay
bills and treat their families with
respect. Violence is not acceptable
in any relationship no matter
how minimal it may be.

You feel alone but there are others struggling
with these problems as well.
If you reach a point where you can
see that this man is not going to
make you whole or happy
then you can move on without needing
this or any man to make a good life
for yourself.

Face your fears of living without him
and the need for men like this will lessen.
You can not help him to be responsible
and you know his promises are not
kept. What are you holding on to?

Take care,
Druideck