Expert: Druideck - 8/1/2008

Question
We are about to have to tell my dad that he cannot drive our 15 month old anywhere because of his recent lying/covert drinking and coming home from the golf course drunk, carrying alcohol in the back of his vehicle, sneaking to the car to drink.  Anyway, we didn't know what we could list as conditions for having driving privileges of his grandchild reinstated.  Any input?  HEre were our thoughts:
-must have breathalizer starter ignition in his car installed
-must attend AA
-must have sponsor
-must be 1 year in recovery
-must not lie to family

IS this too lenient??
--Amy

Answer
Good day,

I can understand your concern and
I agree with keeping your child safe
with or without any reasons other
than the childs well-being.

I don't think it is too harsh
as lives can depend on his
changing his behaviour.
I must warn you that if he is
an alcoholic and addicted
to alcohol he may not be able
to keep these conditions.

Ultimatums, threats or love and rewards
don't work to control an illness.
He may be an ill person that needs
to seriously work on abstenance
and recovery from this condition.

Don't be surprised if he agrees
and then you catch him drunk again.
Relapses are common until
a person shows real commitment
and long periods of sobriety.

Remember he can not control
alcoholism with will power,
it doesn't work.
Will power can get him to AA,
treatment and help for his
problem.

He may even use your conditions
as a reason to drink trying
to instill guilt or pity in you.

Since I don't know him personally
I can only give you my general
experience with alcoholics.

Most importantly take care of yourself
and your family so his problem
doesn't become a danger to you.

Judge your dad by his behaviour not
his words until he has some
time in recovery.
Actions speak louder then words in
this case.
Promises are easy to make but harder
to keep.

Good luck!