Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 9/14/2008

Question
My girlfriend wants to stop drinkng. She says it will be easier for her to stop if i stop with her. i enjoy my drinking. Is it fair for her to ask me to stop when I dont have the problem!

Answer
Hello Bradley,
That's a really good question. I am not sure that "fairness" is the issue here. Let me give some background about recovery. I am assuming your girlfriend is an alcoholic. Clearly, if your girlfriend is an alcoholic, then her abstinence and recovery cannot be conditioned on whether her boyfriend or anyone else chooses to drink or not. However, in early recovery it is strongly suggested to the recovering person that she avoid situations and people that may trigger her compulsion to drink. For example, in EARLY recovery, with the emphasis on early, when the individual may be particularly vulnerable to relapse if around people with whom ahe used to drink, and drinking situations in general, it is suggested that she avoid such people and situations if at all possible. Later on in recovery (say six months to a year), if she has a good reason to be in a drinking situation (i.e., not setting herself up to find an excuse to drink), she will probably have no problem being in social situations where there is alcohol served. So, with this background in mind, you may wish to consider, as a sign of support for your girlfriend's recovery, not drinking around her. If alcohol is not an issue for you, then your goal, it seems to me, is to be as supportive of her recovery as you can be. Good luck.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com