Expert: Amarnath.B - 9/14/2008

Question
My older sister and her husband are both addicted to alcohol
and it has become very hard to stay in contact with them, my sister keeps on when I phone her about our father and he died 30 years ago, my question is do you have any advise or tips for me as to how I can help them to go and get help, I live in Holland and only talk with them on the phone, I do not visit them anymore because of the drink problem and I am just not able to cope with them when they are drunk, I also worry because i know that they both drive when drunk but I dont know what to do, I did try talking with them a few weeks ago but it ended up with a big row and now we dont have contact.
Please if you can give me any advise on what to do for them let me know, I am at the end of the road with them at this point.

Kind regards.
Adrian Poyner.

Answer
Hello Adrian,

I'm glad that you've so much concern for your sibling.  

Have you suggested to them that they seek help for their alcoholism? or do they have the desire to stop drinking?  You can only help if an addicted person has the desire of coming out of addiction.  Try and suggest AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) to them. Do not impose it on them by very subtely you should try.  

Now, I feel that you've have become a co-dependent of your sibling's addiction.  I suggest you attend Al-Anon (a self-help group of dependents of alcoholics) meetings and here you will be able to meet different people having the same kind of problems that you have.  You will probably get an answer in these meetings.  But, first try to dis-associate yourself emotionally from your sister's problems.  There is no point in you fretting over something which is beyond your control.  You can only suggest, but you cannot impose.  The realiszation should dawn upon your sister, that she and her husband have a problem and then seek help.  There is nothing much you can do.  You've a whole life ahead of you.

Take my suggestion and attend Al-Anon meetings and you will find your answer.

God bless

Amarnath