Expert: Rebos - 9/22/2008

Question
Well firstly I suspected the boyfriend I was seeing of 8 months was an alcoholic.  On confronting him he broke off with me although we continued to speak on the phone and by text.  A month on and he has spoken to me on the phone and says that he is an alcoholic that he has been for over 4 years and has tried to give up previously by going to AA meetings etc.  He started drinking after his marriage broke up and says he is lonely and drinks to fill the time.  My question is, do I support him in helping him to give up.  We are not together as a couple as I have told him I can't be with him if he drinks but will be here to support him if he needs me and we can go from there, so what should I do next?  Should I call him after he has revealed everything to me or do I let him come to me, he says that he will give me up rather than put me through the pain of being with someone with a drink problem.

On the good side, he is an absolutely lovely person, caring and will do anything for anyone and has helped me through some personal problems so how can I help him, he says he loves me and I love him but we have no future unless he gets help.  

Thank you

Answer
Good morning Lesley and thank you for your question. The steps that you should take… is to find out why his first marriage failed. To see if there was any violence involved. Then if you chose and you plan on taking the chance that he will never get the help he needs (like going back to AA). You should start attending Alanon ASAP. Alcoholism is deadly and it destroys everything and everyone who comes into contact with it. For meeting locations, you can call your local Al-Anon chapter by checking your local phone book under "Alcoholism" or calling the following toll-free numbers: 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). Thank you Rebos