Expert: Rebos - 9/26/2008

Question
My husband is a builder and we are about to file bankruptcy we have been going through this horrible financial time for about 2 years. He wakes up with anxiety attacks as I do to. Since we have been married (9 years) we always enjoy wine with dinner and he used to have a martini some nights with dinner. We had 4 little kids so we would eat and have a drink after they went to bed. Since we have been going through these horrible financial times I noticed him drinking more and earlier in the evening. I told him to please only drink beer and wine and give up the vodka..he did that..and actually stopped drinking all together for about 1 1/2 months. Then he started to have some wine at dinner again..things got worse with the business and he would not sleep at night and one morning I found him have a swig or bourban out of the bar. Of course I flipped..he told me he wouldn't do it again and that he needed something to help him get through the day. Of course he hid a bottle of vodka in the back shed and I found it and now I am convinced he is an alcoholic. Please help...He does not drink at night with me..is he using as a crutch to help the day not seem so bad ?

Answer
Good morning Shelly and thank you for your question

Unfortunately, your husband is the only one who can tell if he is having a problem with alcohol that will lead him to getting help for a drinking problem. However, you must understand that alcoholism is a disease of denial (as are most addictions) and if he is an alcoholic he believes that drinking is a solution to his financial problems and not a problem. I believe that he should get help from his doctor for his anxiety attacks.

Below I have listed 12 questions that should give you some idea as to whether or not your husband may be having a drinking problem that he should seek help for. Of course these questions are designed to be answered by the drinker, because you may think that you know what your husband is drinking but you do not know what he is thinking when he does drink.

1. Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

2. Do you wish that people would mind their own business about your drinking and stop telling you what to do?

3. Have you ever switched from one drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?

4. Have you ever had an eye-opener upon wakening during the past year?

5. Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

6. Have you had any problems connected with drinking during the past year?

7. Has your drinking caused trouble at home?

8. Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a party because you do not get enough?

9. Do you tell yourself that you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?

10. Have you missed days at work or school because of drinking?

11. Do you have "blackouts"? A blackout is when you have been drinking there are periods of time that you can't remember.

12. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

IF YOU WERE TO ANSWER YES TO 4 OR MORE QUESTIONS then you are probably in trouble with alcohol.

I would be pleased to answer any follow up questions that you may have resulting from my answer to you. Thank you Rebos