Expert: Amarnath.B - 1/8/2009

Question
My husband is 65, and drinks almost 1 qt. of vodka a day. He has liver disease. He has gone through detox and rehab and 6 days later started drinking a day. He has dimentia; he can't remember a conversation after 5 minutes. Three weeks ago he had his second attack of hepatitis due to alcohol. He was discharged 3 days ago, but was still very week. He asked for a drink that night and I told had a huge argument with him and he didn't drink. The next morning I went to work and he drank. I went to bed and awoke with a crash at 2:30 in the morning. It took 40 minutes to get him onto the couch. I had to change and wash him as he urinated. About an hour later he fell again in the kitchen and I had to leave him on the floor for 2 hours until my son could get there to help - and again he needed to be washed and changed. I called the doctor and he said to take him to the ER and he was again admitted. I am now going to doctors because I hurt my back and arm trying to lift him off the floor. My family and his are very upset and I don't know what to do. I would love to leave him, but don't want to leave my home. I think I may have to. I don't know if my leaving will stop him from drinking. I don't know what I'll come back to. What will happen to my home and will I come home to a dead husband?

Answer
Hello Lolo,

I understand your situation and can empathize with you. Alcoholism is a disease and cannot be cured.  It can only be arrested by total abstinence.  Despite all the physical problems that your husband is going through he still cannot stop drinking because he doesn't have the desire to stop drinking.  I do not know if you have tried AA.  Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship where millions of men and women have recovered and are leading a beautiful sober life.  Your husband still has a chance.  Age is not the factor.  Contact the nearest AA group in your area and have someone come over and talk to your husband.  It might work, from one recovering alcoholic to a suffering one.

It’s time you did a little bit of soul searching and come to terms with life.  Start facing the reality and start living life on life’s terms.  Have a frank talk with you husband when he is sober and work things out in a healthy way.  If things don’t work out then don’t get hurt. You need to move on since you have a life of your own.   Remember, you are also equally affected by your husband's drinking mentally, emotionally, & also physically.

Right now AA is the only answer. You can also try some sober old-age homes where you can put him on a permanent basis. A good counselor on addictions will also help since your husband has dementia.  You will have to take action soon before it is too late.  If your husband continues to drink then I don't see him go very far in this life.  But I think it is time your husband is either put in a long-term rehab or a sober old-age home.  

I hope and pray that things work out for you.  If you have any more questions or concerns please do not hesitate to mail me back.


God bless


Amarnath