Expert: Beverley Glazer - 1/2/2009

Question
Hi,
I have had a problem with alcohol for about the past 18 months , I was binging heavily sometimes for days on ends, disappearing from my family and friends and putting myself in dangerous situations, I guess I was running away from problems and got myself a problem with alcohol. Anyway, I haven't drunk for 5 months or so and its not a problem as I dont crave and have found other ways to help me when I'm a bit stressed out, so I think I am doing ok really. I am seeing a alcohol counsellor but I am still struggling with the issue of wheteher or not I am an alcoholic.
My problem is other people really... I am British and live in the north of England, the culture on a social basis tends to revolve around alcohol, and I am struggling coping with it. I have avoided situations in which alcohol has been involved or been along and driven to avoid temptation but I am starting to get fed up with a takeaway and staying in. My friends dont want to invite me out except for 'sober' things eg movies, dinner etc, for fear of upsetting me and I feel really frustrated. Also my boyfriend who has been incredibly supportive still drinks, but not a lot and hardly ever in front of me but I get jealous and upset when he goes out and drinks , I know its not fair but I cant help it, I feel like everyone else is normal and I'm not? I tried talking to my counsellor about it but it didnt help as the only things she can suggest are trying control drinking, which I'm not ready for yet or staying abstinent, which I am doing quite happily. AA doesn't help because I struugle to realte to everyday drinkers? Please help...
Thanks  

Answer
Hi Jen,

You've been doing very well on the drinking side of the problem, but there is also a social/cultural component to alcohol.

I agree with you. Control drinking at this time is not the answer, Because if you're an alcoholic, you may be playing with fire. You're doing well with abstinence, so why mess with a good thing.

What's going on is when others drink, assistance stresses you out  because you want to drink too. You're thinking of the pleasure and forgetting the pain that drinking caused you. You have to learn how to stop the obsessive thinking about drinking and turn your thoughts around. I have a page on my site that tell you more about this.

Here's the link:  http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/cognitive_techniques.html

Ask your addiction counselor if he/she works with these techniques. Cognitive therapy at this point would be helpful.

All the best in the New Year,
Thanks for writing AllExperts

Hope this is helpful,

Beverley Glazer
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com