Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 1/11/2009

Question
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years.  He has been sober now for almost 6 months.  We used to have a pretty good relationship.  Now I can't do anything right and he is always mad at something I do. I do so much for him and I don't think he realizes or appreciates it.  I can do 10 things for him in a row and if I don't read his mind on the 11th he shuts down.  We have talked about communication, but he is not communicating to me at all.  Some days are OK, but most are really hard. Everyone tells me it's not me, but what can I do to get him to communicate?

Answer
Dear Leslie

I imagine there are several things going on. First, he is probably still in withdrawal, it takes at least a year for all of the alcohol to leave his body. Second, when an alcoholic quits drinking, if he doesn't work on the reasons he drank in the first place he is being a dry drunk. Third, the alcohol may have loosened up his tongue and made him more sociable. Without it he can be retreating back into his shell. When you sober up a  horse thief, you still have a horse thief. You will have to make a decision at some point whether you want to wait around and see if he is  worth the wait. Good luck.