Expert: Amarnath.B - 1/24/2009

Question
I have recently decided to put a stop to my horrible drinking problem.  I have began talking with a local drug and alcohol center, and I want and believe I can do it this time since I have found people that can help.  Unfortunantly, prior to deciding to quit, I have possibly destroyed my family which consist of my wife, her three children 12, 16, and 19 and my 15 year old.  I have been verbaly abusive to my wife and the oldest child, and was recently arrested for physical abuse to my wife.  This is the second time I have done this to her, though I was not arrested the first time.  She did leave the first time, but I asured her and her children I would quit drinking and wouldnt allow it to happen again, only to do the oppisite.  The children are aware of everything that has happened and I have lost trust and used my "one more chance" already.  My wife and I are very much in love and believe we could make it through this with the proper steps of recovery and conciling, but the children (mostly her 16 and 19 year old)are very scarred and not interested in anyhting I have to say any longer.  Is there any programs, or processes I can explore to possibly help me with getting them to partisipate with me to help save our marrage?

Answer
Dear Tony,

I'm very glad you have decided to quit drinking.  Remember, alcoholism is a progressive disease and cannot be cured.  It can only be arrested by complete abstinence.

Talking to centers will not help.  Action is the magic word.  You will have to start attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings every day.  Millions have taken the sobriety path by joining AA and AA is the only answer for you.  

Recovery is a journey, not a destination.  You have just embarked on this beautiful journey of sobriety.  Remember, sobriety is not just mere abstinence.  But sobriety should be in your thoughts, words, and deeds.   The way of A.A. is the way of sobriety, fellowship, service, and faith.  AA's 12-step program is a life line for alcoholics.

Your family has become entrapped in your disease and alcoholism is a family disease.  They have become co-dependents.  Your wife should contact and join Al-Anon (an off shoot of AA for relatives, friends, and families of alcoholics).  In these Al-Anon meetings your wife will come into contact with like minded people who have also suffered the same way as your wife has.  And for your children there is Al-Ateen, a group for children of alcoholics similar to Al-Anon.  Both these groups have helped thousands of families recover from their co-dependency.

But make sure you start AA meetings first.  Here the members will direct you to Al-Anon & Al-Ateen.  Remember Tony, AA is the only known spiritual program where millions of alcoholics have recovered (including myself) & are leading a beautiful & fruitful life.

God bless


Amarnath