Expert: Beverley Glazer - 1/29/2009

Question
I am worried my husband may have a drinking or even a drug problem.  In October I found several empty hidden Vodka bottles.  It was totally by accident and he admitted to drinking daily.  I could tell by his mannerism that he seemed slightly intoxicated but thought he was just trying to unwind after a stressful day at work.  He started to hide the drinking after I began to question how he was acting and his habit of needing to drink every night when he got home.  Since I confronted him he started seeing a counselor but now still drinks pretty regularly.  I find myself analyzing how he is acting all the time and it is driving me crazy.  He will sleep excessively or seem like he in unbalanced a little or kind of slur his words but if I ask if he drank he says no or one beer.  I don't know what to do but he is definitely different no 38 year old should come home eat drink a few beers and be asleep at 6 or 7 at night. Am I crazy?  Please help.

Answer
Hi Krissy,

The strange thing about alcoholism is that when the alcoholic is in denial he/she will lie to manipulate the situation. Then other people in their lives know that something is wrong, want to believe the alcoholic, but can't. Basically, they drive everyone around them 'crazy'.

Your husband is hiding bottles etc. and this is called 'closet drinking'. His lies keep him in denial.

It seems that he's seeing a counselor, but it's probably just to keep peace with you. Is this person trained in addiction? This is important because if he/she is not, they will also be conned by his lies and manipulations. It's important that you find this out. Also ask if you can attend a session with him. This can give an entirely different slant on what's going on.

Here's a page that can help you out: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/alcohol-abuse.html

There's a self test that you can show him, which may help break his denial but there's also the official AA website. He probably will fight you on both accounts, but stand firm. Tell him that his behavior bothers you and that it conflicts with your relationship.  

If he's absolutely unreasonable, you can get help and support for yourself though Al Anon. It's confidential, and everyone there's going or gone through what you're experiencing.

Hope this is helpful.

Thank you for asking All Experts.
If you have further questions, please don't hesitate to ask again.

Best of luck,
Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com