Addiction to Alcohol/Help

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Expert: - 10/1/2009


Question
Hi, I believe my partner is an alcoholic although sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a sociopath, there seems to be no empathy or understanding of my needs, he seems terrified of anything real and is so controlling,confusing,contradictory and deceitful in any conversation. I have recently found he has joined many adult "dating" sites. I have confronted him with this and that I believe he is an alcoholic, he has stopped drinking cold turkey, the benders he used to go on have ceased and he has been dry now for over a month but his mental state still seems the same,is the going dry a sign of change or is he just trying to prove to himself that he is in control? Will his mental state improve on its own or does he need help with that.I feel I should get out and just leave him to his own devices and self pity but I feel sorry for him living in this state. What am I dealing with here? Is there anything I can do or should I just get out for my own sanity and wellbeing?

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I
Hi Maria,

Many people who stop drinking 'cold turkey' are irritable because they're fighting the cravings to drink. It would be helpful for your partner to go to AA and talk about this. If he chooses to go that root, he should also get a sponsor and do the 12 steps. This is the emotional part of the program.

Should he prefer not to go, he should see an addiction counselor to help him with his mental state, along with getting relapse prevention techniques. He may be trying to prove he can do it alone, but only time will tell....

Don't feel that you should pity him. Pity can lead to enabling. Here are some tips to avoid it.

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/changing-enabling-behavior.html

Your partner got himself into this, and only he can get himself out. He has to take responsibility and take action in order to make serious changes.

If he continues to show you no understanding, and remains controlling, argumentative, and deceitful,
you're in an abusive relationship. There would be no reason to stay with him and you should move on.

This question was sitting in the question pool for awhile and wasn't picked up. So, if you'd like a quicker response, feel free to address your question to my attention.

Thank you for asking AllExperts
I hope this information is helpful,

Lots of luck,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com  

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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