AboutClyde Expertise I can answer questions on the recovery from alcohol addiction as I am a recovering alcoholic with 15 years of sobriety. I can also address the spiritual aspects of the 12-Step program as I have a Master of Divinity degree and serve as a pastor for the Quaker church.
Experience I am a recovering alcoholic with 15 years of continuous sobriety.
Education/Credentials Master of Divinity awarded in 2000 from Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary
Question I have been with my boyfriend for the last year and 1/2. He is an Alcoholic and Substance abuser. I had left him once before and it did not go real well. He actually tried to hurt himself and when he realized he could not do that to himself he started destroying everything and anything and ripping stuff out of my hands and throwing it all in the front yard. We got back together as he promised to start going to AA meetings and really trying to work on his addictions later to find out he really didn't want to and just wanted me to come back. Then he started leaving once I fell asleep and coming home between 3 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. We did get into another fight about that and he stopped doing that but did not stop is drinking. He only slowed down. I found out I was pregnant 2 months ago and for the last month he has been coming home stumbling drunk, leaving again, smells of beer, stopped working and the list goes on. I made up my mind for me and my unborn child to move and I put deposit down on an apartment but can not move in for another 2 weeks. I am moving far far away from him as he can not drive from losing his License for 10 years due to 3 DUIs and far enough where no one will take him however I am very nervous and scared about moving. I have not told him yet as I don't want the drama from last time I left. I can not handle that type of stress right now and I need some advice on how to deal with this. Should I tell him I am moving? Should I keep in contact with him for our child? When I do move should I try to get the sheriffs involved? Thank you
Answer Nicole,
Thank you for your questions and some information about the situation. It sounds as if you do have the means to move (i.e. money, employment, vehicle, etc.) and that is good. Many women do not have those means with which to make the break. I hope that these are all in place for you.
If that be the case, then I would suggest that you NOT tell him anything until after you are out of the place where you both live right now. I would plan so that all the essential items can be moved to your new place without him knowing anything about it. If anything non-essential cannot be moved then get that later (this assumes that he will not destroy it as he has done in the past). That would be a consideration if you have to leave anything for a while.
After you make the break, I would not let him know your phone number or address, at least not for quite some time to see what his reaction to all this may be. Indeed, get the police and sheriff involved, at least to let them know there could be trouble. This will give you peace of mind and an added bit of security.
You do not owe this fellow anything at this time. You simply need to do what is right and safe for yourself and your unborn child at this time. All other considerations will be dealt with later. I hope you will press on with this move and not feel guilty about the impact it will have on the boyfriend. You are not responsible for him or his actions. You will want to be cautious as you will not know how he will feel about this. You have very right to protect yourself.
It may be difficult to stay away from him and not contact him, but it would be best that you make a resolution with yourself right now to do just that. He has a lot of growing up to do and he doesn't know that yet. Sobriety is an elusive thing for him and he has to find it on his own.
I hope this helps and write again if I may be of any further help.
