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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Substance Abuse > Addiction to Alcohol > alcoholism and control
Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 10/31/2009
Question
Hello, I've been with my fiance for 6 years, and I always thought he was just a social drinker until about a year ago when we moved to MA and he started spending most of his time with his alcoholic sister, hanging out with her at strip clubs and sometimes not even coming home after a night out with her because he was too drunk. It came to the point that he became abusive towards me and our kids. At that point I knew it was time for tough love, so I broke up with him and changed all the locks. He cleaned up his act, went to AA meetings, stopped hanging out, and after a few months he moved back in with us. Its been only 2 months, and he's already started drinkng again. He says its diffrent this time, that he knows his limit, and that he'll never put us through that again. He started with one beer, and is now up to four (and sometimes a shot or 2) twice a week. He also announced he'll be starting an entertainment business with his sister. I guess my question is the following: can he really control his drinking or should I expect his behavior to return? He says I'm being obsurd because he hasn't been drinking a lot like he use to and that I'm just paranoid and anti social. Am I? I don't want to stick around until it gets worst but I also worry that he really did change and I will make a mistake.
Answer
Hello Liz,
I must condition these comments by saying that they are based on the assumption that your fiance is an alcoholic; it certainly seems that he has a problem from the information you have provided, but it is difficult to make a definitive diagnosis without a thorough history. You have good instincts; trust them. You were correct in your earlier decision to use tough love on your fiance. It is extremely rare, almost impossible, for an alcoholic to return to social, non-problematic alcohol use. The alcoholic may be able to drink without losing control for a short period of time, but inevitably will, because of the nature of the disease, lose control and revert to the alcoholic behaviors previously evidenced. So, my answer, regrettably, is that you are undoubtedly correct that your fiance's alcoholism (assuming he is an alcoholic) will worsen. It sounds as if his period of sobriety and AA attendance was just motivated by his desire to not lose his relationship with you and that he has not yet internalized that he is an alcoholic and must abstain from alcohol completely. If you are unclear that he is an alcoholic, I can only say that time will tell. If he demonstrates any of the previous behaviors (staying out all night, becoming abusive), then the diagnosis will be clear. Good luck. Check out my website for further information and help.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com
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