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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Substance Abuse > Addiction to Alcohol > dealing withan alcoholic parent
Expert: Druideck - 10/27/2009
Question
I've read a few questions that have been posted, but nothing is every the same as your own issues. My mother's been an alcoholic for a long time. She was abused as a child and never has dealt with those issues. She hit rock bottom two years ago and lost everything, her home, possessions and was placed into rehab by the police. She recovered slightly, but began to drink again. Last December we allowed her to come to live with us. She was in Ontario and we live in Alberta. She hadn't been drinking in 4 months. After 3 months there was an occasional bottle, then once a week, once every other day and now almost daily. She makes only $11/hr and pays us $200 bi-weekly. She had became sick and was off work for 4 weeks (H1-N1) but has returned to work two weeks ago. In that time has bought 6 bottles. I'm at a loss I don't know how or what to say to her. It's causing problems with my husband, my 10 year old now's noticing and when we go to visit friends even they've been commenting. Can you please give me some guidance to what to do. I feel guilty, lost and unsure. I'm already a parent to my own children. I feel like now our roles are reversed.
Answer
Caughleigh,
I know these situations that involve
parents or other family members are
difficult. It is also difficult to
answer as there seem to be no answers
that are easy or comfortable to give.
First thing may be to educate and inform
the rest of the family so they can understand the
problem better.
Your mother is an alcoholic. What this
means is somewhere along the way she
went from being able to choose to drink
to drinking addictively. An addictive
illness is such that the person may want
to quit at some level yet they cannot.
They are addicted or dependent on the
chemical and will power is no longer
an issue for quitting.
Will power however may be used to attend
a recovery program such as Alcoholics
Anonymous.
At this point she is unaware of how
serious her condition is.
Sometimes an intervention with
the goal of getting her into
counselling or a treatment center
is the only way to crack the denial.
She cannot quit this with just your help
alone. Many families have tried and
failed.
Her problem is just an unfortunate
result of who she is and is in no
way your fault or your total responsibility.
I believe an organized intervention
may be very effective here.
This requires a counsellor equipped
to handle this process.
I think you have AADAC in Alberta
or your local mental health.
Families often tend to isolate themselves
with an alcoholic in their midst.
This is not good.
You must try to live as normal
and let her alone for the most part.
If you get caught up in "helping"
you will only hurt yourself.
You cannot stop an illness of this
type any more than cancer.
You can arrange an intervention.
Get information for yourself and family.
Try to understand that if she could
stop she would have likely already done
that.
It also requires her to be willing to
accept help and this may require
her to hit an emotional bottom
at some point. This is what
the intervention may do but
forget the guilt as this is
done out of love.
If she will agree to attend AA regularly
this may be the only other way for her.
If not, she will continue to self destruct.
This is her choice alone.
You must sometimes let go and let god.
Take care.
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