Expert: Druideck - 10/16/2009

Question
My boyfriend wouldn't technically be considered an alcoholic, drinking is recreational and usually he is fun to be around. However there are times wheb he drinks that afterwards he goes completely nuts, and I mean nuts. He punches walls vehicles himself, and will pick a fight with anyone. It usually happens once every few months, he is completely irrational I will be nice and he thinks otherwise, we have one son and another on the way who both will eventually be affected by his actions...do I tough it out or leave because I am getting really tired of it and do not want my kids to be hurt by there daddy.

Answer
Ashley,

it sounds like he is having some bad
reactions to excess drinking. Alcoholism
is not always so obvious in the beginning
but it is a progressive illness which
means it eventually gets worse.
At this point he may not be actually
addicted but the day will come when
he will not be able to stop on his own.

Often the rage acted out when drinking
may be some bottled up fear, anger
and other emotions he has buried
inside. The drinking allows the release
of these feelings in a bad way.

I also wonder if you are minimizing how
often or how much he drinks?
This happens when you wish he were different
and are not ready to accept that he may
have a serious problem. I may be wrong.

If he is headed for alcoholism then
he will not be open to quitting his
drinking. He will not be able to imagine
life without drinking.

If you notice a strong resistance to
suggestions that he stop because
of his outbursts then he already
has an alcohol problem in development.

I would suggest at this point that
you do these online tests honestly
as if you were him and pay attention to the results,
also talking to an alcohol counsellor
might help you see where he is at.

Links to tests:
http://www.alcoholscreening.org/
http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/alcohol-mast/index.html
http://alcoholism.about.com/library/blalcoholquiz.htm
http://www.pamf.org/teen/risk/alcohol/quiz.html

This tests are very valid in identifying problem drinking
and alcoholism. If he fails them he is headed for
future disaster.

Staying or leaving is only something you can decide
as you know the situation better than I.
Do not accept violence as any part of a relationship.
Violence is violence and has no place in any relationship
at all. Take care!