Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 10/19/2009

Question
My sister was released from prison a few months ago vehicular manslaughter. She had asked if she could come back to our hometown upon release. A family poll declared "NO", I wrote her stating we didn't want to have to take care of her. We all had to take care of her. Perhaps after she had proved herself by being sober and living a productive life style she would be welcome. We have kept distant contact but only since she has been in prison. She left town about 25 years ago and spent the past 10 in prison.
We all backed off correspondence the closer her release came out of fear of course. A letter arrived saying she started drinking again and is in a recovery program.
The guilt is heavy as i would like to support her, she is my sister but part of me wants to forget her. How does one live with themselves for abandoning their sister if there is a chance of recovery. I wrote her off long ago but it has always weighed me down, then it was safe to write her when she contacted me as she was locked away.
I am not strong enough to go through what we did many years ago, how does one know if someone is sincere or capable even of being a productive, good person?
Thank you

Answer
Hello Sheena,
I understand, and approve of, your caution in reaching out to your sister. My vocation as an addictions counselor and my own recovery, however, lead me to say that even the most severe case of alcoholism can respond to treatment and recovery, especially through use of the 12 Step Programs. I suggest you consider, if possible, keeping long distance tabs on your sister and if she attains, say, a year of abstinence and recovery in the 12 Step Program of AA, think about a cautiours letter of support. I have seen recovery miracles occur, but also, tragically, the opposite. Good luck.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com