Addiction to Alcohol/Just wondering...

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Expert: - 10/5/2009


Question
Hello,
Why is it so hard to reason with an alcoholic when he is sober.  I wouldn't even TRY to have a meaningful discussion with him when he's drinking, but it was even worse when he was sober.  The weird thing about him is that while he's drinking, he's pleasant, loving, affectionate and nobody loves me more.  When he's sober, he's moody, distant, remote, and seems to want me to go away.  I always think of alcoholics as being hard to deal with when they're drinking, but mine was harder to deal with when he was sober.  Being a teetotaler myself, I have a hard time understanding what makes him so difficult when he's sober.  Is it withdrawal or guilt or shame?  Just wondering...


Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I
Hi again Jo-Anne,

Not every alcoholic is unreasonable when they're sober, but when you stop drinking without working on the psychological stuff that goes along with being an alcoholic, you can be very irritable.

He is what AA calls a 'dry drunk' - and that's the reason they have the 12-steps. It deals with the emotional side of addiction.

When he takes a drink, he can be loving and affectionate, because the drink lightens him up - but at this point he can't simply take a drink or two and stop.  When an alcoholic stops drinking, he has to deal with the stresses in everyday life, without relying on alcohol as a crutch.

There are many reasons that makes him a difficult person when he's sober. I don't think it's withdrawal - guilt or shame may be in there, but the cravings, facing up to all stresses, that non-drinkers take for granted, can be a lot of pressure -- and anger (although inappropriate)  temporarily relieves it.

I hope this information is helpful and that
you understand what I mean.  
If you need more of an explanation, just let me know.

Thank you for writing AllExperts

Regards,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com  

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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