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Addiction to Alcohol/Alcoholic in early recovery

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Expert: - 11/28/2009


Question
My boyfriend is a chronic binge alcoholic and has just completed a 3 month intensive recovery day programme and is now over 5 months sober.  For the last couple of months, he became a different person and was the person I fell in love with.  But since finishing the programme, which has only been a couple of weeks, his old behaviours seem to be returning.  He snaps at me for the slightest thing and is convinced anything he is in a mood over is all my fault.  What hurts is that to everyone else he is the most lovely fantastic person.  All the people on the Programme think he is an amazing person but they have never seen the angry side to him. I do know he really is that amazing person but I don't understand why he is not like that with me anymore. I don't know what has happened since the programme has finished and wondered if this is normal?  And do you know how I am best to react when he behaves like this?  Do I just ignore him or do I tell him how he is making me feel?  Am I expecting too much in such a short time?  Sorry for all the questions and thanks so much for your time.

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I
Hi Stef,

When someone is recovering from alcoholism is hard to get back into a life without it.   Your boyfriend is in that process. When he was drinking, alcohol would take the edge off for many things, but now he has to learn new coping strategies.

He probably is that amazing person that everyone sees. But when he snaps at you he's simply expressing his frustration-- which may have nothing to do with you at all.

It would be helpful if he still sees a counselor for aftercare to help him with this. Not only is it important to stop drinking, but it's just as important to learn to handle the emotional stuff that got him there in the first place. This is what AA calls working the 12 steps.

If your boyfriend is not already going to AA meetings encourage him to do so. Not only will he develop a support system for his new life without drinking, but he'll eventually get a sponsor and work the 12 steps - which is the emotional part of the program.

When someone comes out of a recovery program, it's hard for others to know how to treat them, but you should  act normally. Do not ignore him if he hurts you, tell him how you feel. It also important not to enable him. Here is more information that you might find helpful.

Http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html

This is a huge transition for both of you. As your boyfriend gets used to his new sober lifestyle his behavior should be different, but right now he's testing everything out.

I hope this information is helpful,
thank you for asking AllExperts,

Lots of luck

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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