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About Beverley Glazer
Expertise
I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience
I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Substance Abuse > Addiction to Alcohol > Drinking and the others around me

Addiction to Alcohol - Drinking and the others around me

Expert: Beverley Glazer - 11/7/2009

Question
I have been with and lived with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He has since told me that he will not be around me and will move out if I continue to drink everyday. I personally have family history of it but I don't like to go into that, unless it was pertinent in helping my situation. (I don't justify drinking because "I was born with it" but I do recognize that my Dad's side of the family has drinking problems and feel that there must be some truth in it being genetic.

My boyfriend always says that I should only drink when it is a "social setting". He is older than me and is a very controlling person and I have cut down on my drinking. It's 12:18 AM and I usually would have had at least 6 beers by now, starting around 6-7. I have had nothing to drink but I am under so much pressure because I feel like I'm doing it for him. If he wasn't here, I'd drink. I don't think it's enough of a problem to get help and isolate myself from alcohol. I also feel like it's easy for him and others to talk about it "being a problem" behind my back and acting like I'm sick. Yes I drink everyday and while I know this is probably some sort of "justification", I don't crave nor ever want to drink in the morning or daytime. I am becoming successful in my profession as a real estate agent and it's been tough to cut down on drinking because I feel like its all work and no play. I have basically only told my story here and not asked a question but I'd like to get some insight into ways that I could reduce the influence and dependence that alcohol plays on me. I know I should go to AA, this would probably be helpful but I am not ready to quit drinking. I know everyone is different and I'd like to think that I could be happy and not feel like it's all or nothing with drinking. I'm trying to go some nights without drinking but it's hard, I get anxious and get angry because I feel like my boyfriend is just waiting for me to drink and give me that look like I'm a failure. I'm 22. Thanks for any advice and if there is anything additional I should tell you to better get a feel for my situation please ask. I feel as though I should be paying for any advice but I hope you are compensated somehow.

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC

Hi David,

It sounds as if you don't think that you have a problem with alcohol and so you don't really want to give it up. But condsider this: if you've been living with your boyfriend for two years, and the only reason he would leave is because of your drinking, drinking is a problem. This is what we call denial -- and denial is the first stage of addiction. Denial actually allows the addiction to get worse.

One way of breaking the denial is by asking yourself these questions:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/alcohol-addiction.html

There are also many other pages on the site that may also help you.

Some people are able to cut down their alcohol use without abstaining completely -- but not chronic alcoholics.

It seems that drinking helps you relax, particularly after work. Here's where you have to learn new coping strategies, as well as develop other things to do for 'fun'. It's not impossible for you to change, but you need help with this. You can get recovery coaching, or addiction counseling to learn techniques to cut the cravings. AA meetings are another option. I suggest that you check them out.

Consider what your boyfriend and the others are telling you. The people who care about you are always the ones to see the problem before you do. Get the help they say you need and eventually you'll thank them. Changing your lifestyle is a 'one day at a time' process.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts

Lots of luck,

Beverley Glazer
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

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