Expert: Clyde - 11/13/2009

Question
QUESTION: When I was younger I drank a lot and also used other drugs.  I went through a phase where I would get so drunk I would either black out or pass out every weekend for a long period of time.  I quit drinking for a while and since I have gotten older I only drink occasionally.  When I drink now it isn't out of coutrol like it used to be.

If I am an alcoholic than I shouldn't be able to maintain any control right?  Is the periodic drinking bad for someone like me?

ANSWER: Chris,
   Thank you for your question.  It is an important one to seriously contemplate as you move forward in life.

   It largely depends on how long you drank (how many years) and for what reasons.  The fourth step in Alcoholics Anonymous is what we call the inventory step. In this step we take a good hard look at ourselves honestly - the good and the bad.  If a person is seriously alcoholic this will uncover patterns of behavior and thinking that has been developed over the course of the drinking phase.  Did alcohol become a crutch with which to accept life?  Did alcohol offer us solace and comfort in a world we did not want to face each day?

    Those are some of the basic questions we ask ourselves.  Then it becomes a "thinking" thing and not a "drinking" thing.  It then does not matter the amount of alcohol or the length in between drinking that suggests we may be alcoholic - it is more about how we think.

    The book, Alcoholics Anonymous, has a story about a fellow who was drinking too much and he decided to quit and establish a good solid business, raise a family, etc. He did that and did not drink for 25 years.  When he retired, he took out the slippers and the booze and was dead in four years, dead of alcoholism.  We say that alcoholism is a progressive disease meaning that if I were to start drinking again today, I would take up where I left off 15 + years ago.  I do not start my drinking career anew - I just add to the misery I used to know back then.

    Some alcoholics can control their drinking well into their disease and think that they are not drinking alcoholically.  If they get honest they find out how they have been thinking and begin to live life differently.

     I hope this may have helped and write again if I may be of any further help.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I started drinking when I was 13.  At that age I drank most weekends.  I drank whiskey in large amounts.  I drank all through my teens but it got worse when I was 18 and started having blackouts and hangovers.  That is why I ended up quitting.  Then I developed stomach problems and I couldn't really drink for a while.

I had a lot of trauma and abuse as a kid and I think drinking was a way to not think about it.  I'm not sure.  It was just my goal to be messed up when I was younger.  Now I just like to do it occasionally.  I know that I need to be careful because I can lose control if I let myself.  So I just don't let myself.  I'm confused.

Thanks for responding.

Chris

Answer
Chris,
    Thank you for your follow up comments.  It helps to know a little more about your drinking history.

     Many people begin drinking at an early age and the body is not prepared either mentally or physically for the affects of alcohol.  Your stomach problems may be due to the fact that your body became intolerant of the damage alcohol produces. It can be quite damaging.  Many alcoholics die because of the physical aspects of the disease.

     Mentally, we are not prepared for the mind-altering effect.  We need to work through issues and hurts and traumas to overcome those but alcohol does give us a way to escape and not have to think about them.  The problems or issues or fears are still there and sometimes can arise out of nowhere and cause great anxiety and fear and distress.  The danger is in the tendency to go back to old behavior and drink away the emotional baggage until it subsides and no longer affects us consciously.

    If we do not become more aware of what we are doing the cycle repeats over and over and over.

    I have a suggestion to help with your confusion - go to a few Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and see what you think about the program and how it has helped millions of people deal with their confusions and fears and issues.  They have had much the same history you describe.  You need only say that you have a desire not to drink the way you are and you'll be welcome.  It is not a requirement that someone stop drinking in order to attend these meetings.  Get some information from people who "have been there done that" and you can begin to get some good answers to your questions.  Then decide what you want to do.  No one will decide this for you and a good group of AA'ers will not force you into anything.  They simply want to offer you you what they have found.

    I hope this may have helped and write again if I may be of any further help.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde