Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 12/30/2009

Question
I have 2 younger sisters that are both functioning alcoholics.  Whenever I am around them, they are mean, beligerent, demeaning, volatile, etc.  If they don't like what I say, I am being mean.  If I don't do what they say, I am being unsociable.  If I dare disagree with something they say I am calling them stupid.  I understand that this is not about me, but about them and I have done my best to avoid all contact with them whenever possible which also makes me the "bad sister".  However, my dad is very old and has cancer so that means holidays and family occasions where everyone gets together so I cannot avoid them completely unless I don't want to see my father or my son.
This question is for me.  No matter what I do, the second I walk into the room, the needling begins.  This past Christmas I did my best to ignore it and to not talk about anything of substance.  However they are experts at sucking me into their games.
For instance, I am having a conversation with my son and my sister who is not even part of the conversation interrupts with her opinion.  I clarified what we were talking about which was different than what she was talking about, agreed with her and then offered to email her a link to the article I was discussing.  By her reaction, which is typical of both their behavior, you would have thought that I jumped down her throat and attacked her which is a total 180 of how I reacted.  She jumped up and yelled at me..."I read stuff to you know.  I'm not stupid," and stormed out of the room.  
I lost it.  I grabbed my purse, said goodbye to my son and left as quickly as possible before I made a scene and ruined Christmas for my dad and everyone else.  However, it still made me the bad guy because I didn't sit there and take it but instead left.
This made me so angry and I can't let go of it.  It has been 5 days and it just keeps replaying in my head.  I cannot confront my sister's behavior or they threaten me and since one is an attorney and the other is my tax accountant it would make my life difficult at best.  
This has been going on for 30 years and my father's answer is to ignore it.  I cannot even talk to him about it because he is 85 and just doesn't want to hear about it or deal with it. Plus He drinks as well and I consider him an enabler which is additionally frustrating to deal with and my son acts like it is my fault for leaving the house.  However, if I had been sucked into their tantrum and lost my temper then I would have been the bitch that ruined Christmas.
I am tired of being the bad guy but I hate the notion of not having any relationship with my family.  How can I get past this past incident?  What can I do other than just not have any contact with them?  I have searched the internet but not found anything helpful.  I've got double duty because as twins they stick together no matter what.  

Answer
Hello Cindy,
First of all, you are entitled to your feelings of anger and frustration, but, of course, to continue to be controlled by the situation days after is not appropriate and the reason for your question. There are a number of ways to begin to try to protect yourself from the irrational alcoholic behaviors of your sisters, but they aren't easy to apply. First, bear in mind the concept that alcoholism is a disease that explains your sisters' behaviors (but doesn't excuse them): the goal being to direct your anger toward the alcoholic behaviors rather than toward the human beings with the disease. Secondly, please consider attending some Al-Anon meetings, the 12 Step program for those in a relationship with an alcoholic to get support and affirmation: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Al-Anon principles can be helpful in recognizing that you are powerless and have no control over your sisters' behaviors and in learning to emotionally detach from their behaviors and alcoholism, to emotionally gird your loins, if you will, before any interactions with them. Thirdly, if you are open to this suggestion, spend some time on a daily basis praying to your source of spiritual strength, God or a Higher Power, for your sisters and for yourself that you can detach from their alcoholism and try to love the human beings hidden somewhere behind the denial and alcoholism. Please feel free to check out my website for more information. Good luck,
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com