Expert: Druideck - 12/30/2009

Question
Hi i have written to you before but there was more information i required,it as now been 1 year since i seperated from my partner things are still no better his behaviour has got worse he seems so angry and abussive all the time we have 3 children together who he was once very close to but now he has no time for them the only time he wants to see them is to get near me to try and convince me to take him back which i dont want to do he blames me for everything and says that i have ruined the childrens lifes he tells lies constantley and is making everyones lifes a misery i am trying to move on with my life which he is making very difficult for me,i feel like this will never end and am so worried about the effect it is having on my children they are age 2,6 and 8 the children do now seem better when he is not around which i never wanted to happen but i am now wondering if maybe this would be for the best.

Answer
Kelly,

if you are no longer with this man
and he is abusive I would suggest
you advise him to stop bothering you.
If necessary speak to the police
about it.

If he is doing nothing to better himself then there is
no use in listening to his complaints or allowing him
to manipulate you.

You owe him nothing as he has not tried
to get help and is likely going to get
worse if he does nothing.

Do not accept his blaming as he played
a part in your break up as well.
If you have done your best to deal
with the situation it may be time
to make some rules for him in regard
to the children.
If he is emotionally unstable
he should not see the children
unsupervised.
The childrens needs should come before
anyone's especially his.
Do they want to see him at all?
If not, let him know and that's it.
If he bothers you further get a
restraining order.

If you really don't want him around you
will have to be firm and refuse to
listen to his complaints.
Tell him the relationship is over and his complaining
is irrelevant now.

If you try to be nice to him he may
just keep manipulating you and hurting
you and the children.
He is a sick man that needs to get
help for himself.
You cannot do anything for him now,
just take care of your self and kids.

Refuse his calls and refuse to argue
or even talk to him.
You have to isolate yourself
so he gets the message.
If he becomes too pushy call the police
and ask for help.

I don't know him but I know how
stubborn a sick man can be.
If you have another question feel
free to write.

Take care!