Expert: Clyde - 2/6/2009

Question
My ex-husband is an alcoholic, with 3 DUI's (maybe only 2 stuck, due to his attorney).  He gained his license back 2 months ago.  He received his first DUI in the midst of our divorce.  Since then he had pulled over twice, but we live in a small where he is friends with the police.  In the divorce decree he agreed to never driving our children.  Now he is pushing for me to let him have driving privileges with our eight year old.  We were married 20 years and he was always an alcoholic.  He says now he has changed, but I just can't belive him, he lied so much in the past. He wants to do a breathalyzer before he takes her in the car, but I don't want to be "judge and jury" anymore.  In our marriage he was physically abusive when he didn't get his way.  Would a judge rule in his favor?  and what do you think of this?

Answer
Colette,
   Thank you for your question and for explaining some of the issues.
   My suggestion is this: "In no way let him violate the divorce decree stating no driving the children."  There must have been good reason why attorneys and judges imposed this on him and he agreed to it, the papers are final I would suppose.
   You do not say anything about how he is trying to stay sober, but here is a possible scenario that could happen if he so chose:  If he would attend AA regularly (many times a week); get a sponsor, work the steps of AA; and begin to be a living amend to you and his family, then somewhere down the road I can see where it might be reasonable for you to rescind the decree of no driving the children.  If he would do all these things and truly "change" then he would realize that his drinking did have consequences and it will take time for any trust to be develop, especially with you.
   A changed alcoholic who has emotional sobriety beyond the abstinence of drinking will have the fortitude, the humility, and the respect to stay the course of his recovery and do nothing to infringe on the rights or emotions of other people.
  I hope this helps and write any time I may be of help.
Grace and Peace,
Clyde