Expert: Druideck - 2/24/2009

Question
Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year and hes been trying to not drink as much as when we first met. Yet I ve noticed that he has these moments when he drinks alot. and once he starts drinking he doesnt stop till its all gone and if he gets his hands on more alchol he willd drink and drink till he runs out. he says he wants to quit and he really trys theres days when he could limit his drinking to a beer or two but then he has this sudden out break. I guess my questions are:

what could i do to help?
should i buy alcohol for him when he ask and limit it or should i say no?
i love him and i really want to help him but i dont know what to do ive never been around people that drink like him and ive never had that type of problem.

Answer
Good day,

there is not much you can do
other than refuse to take part
in providing money or alcohol
for him. Encourage him to
see an alcohol counsellor if
he really wants to quit before
things get really bad.

Alcoholism is an illness
of denial that can carry
on until death or insanity.
If you get caught up in trying to
help you develop what is called
codependence. This is like being
addicted to helping even though
the alcoholic won't help himself.

The role of enabler is usually
taken on by those close to
the drinker.
They want to help so they try
everything to control the situation.
Thing keep getting worse
but they won't give up so they
start nagging and scolding the
drinker which gives them another excuse
to drink.

The drinker says he wants to quit but
never gets help just keeps making
empty promises.

This merry go round can go on for years.
If he doesn't really want to quit
and keeps making excuses as why he can't
then you are wasting valuable years
of your own life.

He may someday seek a recovery program and
treatment or he may go on for many years
like this. You have to choose how
long you will accept this behaviour from
him. Your own health is at stake as well.

Here are some alcoholic tests and info:
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/alcohol-addiction.html
http://efap.torontopolice.on.ca/alcohol_test.html
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm