Expert: Clyde - 2/16/2009

Question
My boyfriend lives about 40 miles from work, he keeps a cooler in his car and drinks while he is driving.  Sometimes it's on the way home, sometimes it is to a bar.  He is a functioning alcoholic, as far as he never misses work but lately, every night after work he is drinking non-stop until he passes out.  If he got an illegal transportation of liquior ticket, or a dui, I believe he would get help, because he loves his job and wouldn't want to jeopardize losing it.  Should I report him when he is driving and drinking?  He never drinks in the car with me, I won't allow it and he doesn't argue with me about it at all.  I feel he is crying out for help and I don't know what to do.  Help me.

Answer
Sherriel,
    Thank you for your question.  Let me suggest this:  we must always be willing to live with the consequences of our actions - both mine, and yours, and those of your boyfriend.  To report him will possibly mean that the relationship with your boyfriend may go the wrong way - he may retaliate and leave, hate you, etc.  If you are prepared to live with that outcome then reporting him is perhaps something you feel will help get his attention or save someone's life.

    But here is something to think about.  If he were headed toward alcoholic drinking (which could certainly be the case) intervening to prevent his own personal consequences by the law might be detrimental to his future gift of sobriety.  Perhaps a DUI is just the "ticket" (pardon the pun!).  If he knows you reported him then he might feel that he never would have been caught and thus not know that he,too, is under the law of not drinking while driving.

   I drove many days and many months and many years doing this exact same behavior.  I had sixty or so miles in some cases as my commute and I, too, carried a cooler full of beer all those days.  I venture to guess I probably drove while drinking thousands of days, many of those drunk.  I never got into trouble with the law.  I was fortunate or lucky or whatever you want to call it.  

   I hope this gives you some things to think about as you ponder the question.

   At the very least, perhaps just letting him know the risk he is taking and that you are concerned may turn his thinking somewhat.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde