Expert: Beverley Glazer - 2/10/2009

Question
My brother we just found is incarerated out of town.  He called me today collect and I hung up.  I feel good that I know where he is, but I feel guilty not speaking with him or bailing him out of jail.  This has been a lifelong process in my life wtih many family members and friends.  I was so happy and proud of all that he had accomplished while 4 years sober.  I boasted about him to everyone.  My older brother died at 34 with AIDS from Heroin use.  This brother has battled for over 20 years.  Through AA he put 4 years together of good sobriety and made 1/4 million dollars in sales.  His girfriend was professional and classy and they had the best life together, until, he went out again one day.  Through that relapse, he has not been able to put much time together in the last couple of years.  I want to bail him out, but I don't have the money and even if I did, I feel as though I would be buying him a weapon to use against himself or someone else.

Answer
Hi Ret,

However painful it is, it's a good thing that you hung up on your brother. If he doesn't get out of jail he will have reached a new 'bottom' and this may force him to get his life back on track.

There are many treatment options available. Http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/treatment.html

Your brother will probably have to get a legal-aid lawyer who will most likely recommend rehab, but that's just the start. He should go back to AA and do what he was doing and he should also follow-up with recovery counseling. This is a life-long problem and he has to be on top of it.

Be assured that even if you had the money, neither you nor anyone else should bale him out. Not easy, I know, but this may be the best wake-up call he gets to have the opportunity to change his life.

I hope this info is helpful. Thank you for writing All Experts.

Stand firm with your decision,
All the best,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com