Expert: Druideck - 3/22/2009

Question
My 19 year old son is always drunk or drinking. He has moved back home after his apartment complex burned down and he (while under the influence) punched a firefighter and spit in a policemen face. He was sentenced to 1 year probation after spending 5 days in jail. I don't know what to do for him. Should I call his probation Officer and have him go back to jail for 360 days? I am scared for his life. We have 4 children and none of them have any problems with alcohol. We have no family history of Alcoholism. His father and I hardly ever drink. Please tell me what I should do.
Thank You

Answer
Good day,

It is hard to do what needs to be
done when it is your own son.
We want to be kind and helpful
but it doesn't seem to help them
for long.
When a person is addicted to alcohol
they go downhill in all respects.
They become affected mentally,
physically, emotionally and
spiritually.
It is hard to understand why they
behave so badly but it can
go on longer depending somewhat on
what the people around them do.
We can become enablers which means
we try to help but our help just
makes it easier for them to drink
and excuse their bad behaviour.
The world is not always easy
for young people to live in
but if we do anything that supports
the opportunity for them to drink
or be irresponsible it prolongs
the problem.
Complaining is a dead end and only
makes him angry, a good excuse to drink.
What you need to do is decide
how you would like him to behave
while living with you.
Make some real rules and consequences
and do not fail to follow through.
Write them down and give him a copy.
They can be whatever you can live with
and enforce:
No drinking at home.
No rude behaviour.
Look for education or work opportunities.
One month to find a job.
Attend AA meetings regularly.
Pay $xxx.xx rent or supply food.
Do his own clean up, laundry etc.
If he does not follow your rules
he may have to return to jail
until he seeks help through
counselling or AA meetings.
There are no easy answers as
we cannot change people even
our kids.
We can however make consequences
that may affect change eventually.
If he is alcoholic he has an
illness that may not hit bottom
for along while.
Change will only come when consequences
become unacceptable to him.
Help is providing those consequences
to him as you are able, day by day.