Expert: Beverley Glazer - 3/4/2009

Question
My daughter is just a few days away from turning 21.  She's still living at home with me and my husband (not her father).  I know that when she goes out with her friends, she "parties hard" and I'm very concerned about her binge drinking.  She says, "Oh mom, I'm just young and having fun, I'm not going to do this forever!"  But, no-one sets out to become an alcoholic!  My biggest worry of course has always been that she might drive while drunk, but she has always promised me she would never do this.  Well, she got a DUI recently and I'm devastated by this.  THANK GOD no-one was hurt.  I told her that I was FED UP with her partying ways and that she needed to clean up her act and quit drinking.  Of course at the time she was very remorseful and agreeable to what I had to say.  But I don't trust that this will last, as this has become such a habit to her.  That what she and her friends do, they hang out, smoke pot and get wasted drunk.  I don't think she's an alcoholic but she is DEFINITELY a binge drinker and she does black out when she drinks.  She often wets the bed when she drinks too.  She drinks vodka shots and chases it with Sprite.  My concern is that I don't think she will quit and I want to know what I can do or say to make her WANT to quit.  Is it Tough Love time?  As in, if she does not stop and get her act together, then she will have to move out of my home?  I love her so much and I know she cannot afford to live on her own yet.  She does work mostly full time but does not make a living wage.  Not to mention the fact that the DUI is going to carry a hefty fine and all the costs associated with this violation.  Her license has also been suspended and she now will have to depend on getting rides to work from me or her friends.  My husband has not approved of her behavior for a LONG time and he's at the point where he's DONE with her BS.  This is putting a very heavy strain on the marriage.  I just want to do what's best for her because I am very worried that she will become an alcoholic as this runs in my family.  I have warned her about this for years.  What can I do to save my beautiful daughter from going down this ugly road??  I'm at my wits end.

Answer
Hi Kelly,

The problem with binge drinkers is that they don't believe that they have a problem because they don't party all the time. But the DUI may be a wake-up call.

Show her this self-test. It's geared to teens but your daughter is still young enough to make it applicable.

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/teenage-drug-abuse.html

Do not enable her by giving her lifts. She has to pay consequences for her behavior. Her friends are probably another problem, because they're also partying and she will be tempted to join them.

Before you kick her out of the house, tell her she must get help. There may be addiction counseling at school. Have her check on that.

If not, find an addiction counselor who can give her relapse prevention strategies. Recovery coaching, by phone or on the internet, is another alternative. My younger clients are very receptive to counseling using technology. We can even see each other
on the computer.

Right now she probably won't be receptive to AA, but she still needs support. Demand that she get it and stand firm.

Thank you for writing All Experts,
If you need more information, feel free to ask'

Best of luck!!

Bev
http://untwist-your-thinking.com