Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 3/28/2009

Question
My family is totally distraught over my sisters ever growing addiction to alchol. She has been in rehab a few times now and makes all kinds of promises to stop drinking when she gets out...but then, within days of getting out she ends up 'stumbling upon' a bottle and is at it again. She is about to lose a job she has held for 15 years. She is about to lose her husband. Her children are almost ready to abandon her. I just keep trying to figure out why. Why does she do this? She is smart, well educated, much loved and has a lot of love and support around her. What is wrong that she is killing herself this way? How can I help her? How can I get her to stop? Please help me help her. I don't know what to do next.

Answer
Dear April,
It is so difficult to watch someone you love being destroyed by alcoholism, and I sure hear that in your question. Alcoholism is a powerful addiction, more powerful often than a mother's love for her children, a wife's love for her husband, a sister's love for a sibling, and an employee's loyalty to a job, etc. So the answer to why your sister continues to drink in the face of all these consequences and after being exposed to treatment in a rehab, is basically the power of the disease, including how denial and the effects of alcohol on brain chemistry can cause the alcoholic to be out of touch with the reality of the effects of her drinking. The answer to your question, how can I get her to stop?, is a complicated one. The first thing to understand is that you can't get her to stop; she must come to that decision herself. But, you, and other members of her family, can learn how to approach your sister's alcoholism in ways that may help her to arrive at the decision to stop drinking. I would try to get all family members together to discuss openly your sister's alcoholism, and work on a common plan to approach your sister's alcoholism with consistency, letting her know how you feel about her drinking and on a continuing basis urge her to stop drinking and get help, such as attendance of AA. The best way to do all this is to perhaps consult a professional addictions counselor, but also for all of you to consider attending meetings of Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/), the 12 Step Program for those in a close relationship with an alcoholic, and learn how to take care of yourselves and not feed into your sister's alcoholism. Good luck,
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com