Expert: Beverley Glazer - 3/27/2009

Question
After being with my husband for the last 6 years I have now come to the conclusion that I am at the end of my rope and I cannot stay in this marriage unless something changes. When we first got together we were both in a bad place and we use to go out drinking together and all was good and I believed that he was only drinking because of all the stuff that was happening around us. I then got pregnant and I stopped drinking but he continued. I believe he has had in excess of 6 beers (at least)every single day since I have known him and nearly every weekend he ends up drunk and passing out on the lounge. I have confronted him on several occasions and quite often he has told me that he drinks because he wants to kill himself and that his life is not worth living even though we have three beautiful children together. To make matter worse he has hepatitis C and drinking is the worst thing to be doing with this disease but he does not see that if he stopped drinking he may not die at an early age. I have already buried one husband and refuse to watch another one kill himself slowly. I have had enough of the verbal abuse that I cop, I have had enough of being accused of things that could not possibly be true, I have had enough of him raising his hand to the children just to make them fear him and I have had enough of the endless promises that he will cut down.
So my question is, where do I go from here. I would like your input on what conclusion I have come to. Firstly I would like to give him one last oppurtunity to choose me and the kids over his beer. So I will tell him that I am no longer going to support his habit and that I no longer want alcohol in the house and if he brings it home then I will be pouring it down the sink.
If this does not appeal to him then I will tell him that I no longer want to be in a marriage with an alcoholic. I am scared of this outcome as I am a stay at home Mum with no income and even if I asked him to leave he wouldn't go. So basically if my first step does not work then where do I go from there? Where can I find help? And more importantly where can I find support when I have made the decision so that I dont allow him back into my life?

Answer
Hi Karen:

Your husband is stuck in his addiction and also in depression (alcohol is also a depressant).
But this doesn't mean that you have to put up with his abuse. You have to give him an ultimatum. Get help or you're gone!!

He needs AA. Point tell him to the local meetings are in your area and demand that goes.  An addiction counselor can evaluate his drinking and can also give him other options.

Look into Al Anon meetings for yourself. These meetings are for family members in your situation and they will help you stand up to him and stay strong.

This link can also help:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/getting-over-relationships.html

There are also other pages on the site can help you. I hope this information is helpful.

Thank you for writing All Experts
If you have more questions, don't hesitate to write.

Beverley Glazer

Http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com