Expert: Clyde - 3/1/2009

Question
My husband of 7 years. has been drinking since the age of 17.He's now 37. He has memory lapse,deep denile.(admits to alcoholism)but doesn't realize how he speaks to me or the children. i can sit there screaming at the top of my lungs until i loose my voice, but he has no self awareness, no guilt, he does nothing wrong. will not accept help.Im worried about pains in his side and back now (LIVER)WHAT DO I DO??he refuses help and I'm drowning, god please help me i don't know what to do. i have 2 years clean from opiate addiction,I'm so scared. please help me

Answer
Tara,
    Thank you for your question and for reaching out with your fears about his health.  I know it is a scary place in which to be - watching someone self-destruct and no way to stop it.

    I am no doctor, and I would suggest that you resend this question to a physician for a medical opinion.  I am only answering this to help you with my personal experience with the excessive drinking.

    My back ached constantly when I was drinking, sometimes so severely that I could not roll out of bed in the morning. I just lived with it primarily because I was in denial and actually afraid what it might mean.  I suspect mine was kidney tenderness from all the fluid that my body had to handle in eliminating all the water from the drinking.  My liver enzymes never showed any serious effects on my liver from the drinking but I was probably lucky.

    I can only suggest that you realize that this is your fears acting on you.  No amount of worry on your part will cause him to change until he decides he wants to do so.

    As far as it goes for him, in a calm moment, you might suggest that he go in for a physical and full blood work to check for any serious effects of the drinking.  It may be just what he needs to get a wake up call.

    Don't forget to send another question to a physician on this site for his assessment of the back and side pain.

    I hope this helps with some information and experience.

    Write again if I may be of any further help.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde