Expert: Beverley Glazer - 3/11/2009

Question
My problem is my co-worker.  She and I are both in our 40's and work together.  I work internally while she works outside the office.  I am the main person who has to communicate with her.  Some of the time she is civil, never friendly, other times she is downright mean and rude.  Her tone of voice and her belittling me gets me so upset.  The people in the office don't see her like this, they only see me.  On the occasion that she visits the office she is very nice to everyone.  Most people are beginning to wonder why I don't have very nice things to say about her because they don't know the dr. jekyl that I do.  She even has our supervisors snowed.  She had the nerve to call me 'overly sensitive' while we were having a discussion about her hanging up on me the other day.  Who is this devil?  I have to talk to this woman on a daily basis and I never know who is going to answer the phone  Dr. Jekyl or Mr. Hyde.  How do I handle working with her?  I have tried talking to her about her behavior but she says 'she is who she is' and it's all just the way I take things.  Any advice on how to handle her?  Lately my reaction is to react!  I let her control my emotions and then I'm upset for days!  Thank you in advance for your help.
ps. I know she's an alcoholic because she told me and she told my friend that she is now attending AA.

Answer
Hi Susan,

For some reason, your co-worker has issues, however, you're allowing her behavior to upset you. The problem may have nothing to do with you.

It would be best for you not to talk about this person to your co-workers.

She says that you're overly sensitive, so obviously she doesn't take any responsibility for upsetting you. AA teaches the 12 steps, so it's not simply about stopping drink it's also about being 'sober' - meaning dealing with your personal issues as well as being compassionate for others.

These are the steps: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/12-step-program-of-aa.html

Remember you don't have to be friends or even 'like' your co-worker, but you can be friendly and not let her bother you due to the work situation.

Whatever her problems are allow them to be hers and don't let her to ruin your day.

Thank you for asking All Experts

I hope this information is helpful,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com