Expert: Beverley Glazer - 3/7/2009

Question
I am in an on again/off again relationship with a recovering alcoholic(5 yrs sober,religiously attends AA),its been about 7 mos now.He is only able to communicate with me through text messages.The only emotion i ever see is anger.If i want to talk about something he takes it as criticism or starting an arguement-often shuts me out.One minute he loves me,the next he tells me that he doesn't.Often breaks up with me,tells me to move on.I know he does love me just seems as though he doesn't want to put any effort into us at all.Should i give up,back off,HELP!!

Answer
Hi Stacy,

It's very common for an alcoholic in recovery, not to to be in touch with his emotions. You're boyfriend is going to AA, and not drinking, but this is what AA calls a 'dry drunk'. He's clean, but his thinking is not 'sober'.

He should have a sponsor and he should be working through the 12 steps with him.

These are the steps:
http://www.untwist-your-thinking/12-step-program-of-aa.html

After being sober for awhile, the steps should be repeated, because he's not at the same place emotionally, that he was 5 yrs. ago.

It may also help you to find Al Anon meetings in your area. These meetings are for families of alcoholics and they can be very helpful.

Thank you for writing All Experts,

Wishing you best of luck!!

Bev
http://untwist-your-thinking.com