Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 3/17/2009

Question
My husband drinks about 4-6 beers every day and doesn't seem to think this is a problem.  I know that it is but as the daughter of a recovering alcoholic I know that I cannot make him quit, so he knows how I feel and that I will not take responsibility for his drinking.  I also know that nagging will not cure him so I stay away from that.  I don't buy him beer, I don't go get him a beer and I don't clean up his mess, so I think I have that part under control.  There is no abuse of any kind.  But he was just laid off today and I am really scared that this is going to push him over the edge.  Do you have any advise on supporting him through this really hard time and what I can do, if anything, to help him see that his drinking is a problem?  I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope here and don't know what to do.

Answer
Hello Leslie Ann,
As the daughter of a recovering alcoholic you DO seem to be clear about the fact that you cannot control your husband's drinking and are avoiding enabling him. You do not specify any negatives from your husband's drinkling other than that he drinks more than is clearly healthy for him everyday. Drinking two to three beers is considered healthy for persons under 50 years of age, assuming the person is not an alcoholic and has no health, or mental health, problems.

It is implicit in your question I suppose, that your husband continues to drink the 4-6 even though doing so is causing tension in your relationship, an indication perhaps of dependence on alcohol. But the potential health problems and the tension around his drinking are the only two indicators of a problem that I find in your question. I agree with you that if he has a dependence problem, then being laid off could trigger heavier drinking. But without more information suggesting a problem, I am not sure how to advise you. I can only suggest that you make it very clear that you do not consider your husband's drinking to be appropriate, and then take care of yourself, perhaps through attendance of Al-Anon meetings: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ I wish I could be more helpful. Good luck.
Jan Edward williams, MS, JD, LCADC
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com
www.alcoholdrugsos.com