Expert: Beverley Glazer - 3/31/2009

Question
Hi Beverley,
I dont even know where to start. So this might be a little lengthy. But my boyfriend and i broke up over a year ago, but we have still been talking and i guess you could say we still care a lot about each other. anyways, he is an alcoholic and is into smoking marijuana and it was the other night that it hit me that he had a serious problem. He called me at 4:30 in the morning after we had had an argument and he was drunker than i had ever heard him before. he was rapping a song to me and telling me that he was in love with me. and he was going crazy asking me who i had been with and bawling when i told him. and then he asked me if i loved him and i said that i loved him but that he had hurt me so bad that i couldnt talk to him. and he asked me again but this time he told me that he had a razor blade at his throat and that there was no point in him being alive if i didnt love him. Then he hung up on me. The next morning I called him to make sure that he was okay, and he told me that he hated me and that he never wanted to talk to me again. He left multiple messages on my phone saying that he never loved me, along with some other hurtful things. As of now, I have not heard from him in a week. He now has a new girlfriend, and says that he hates me. i am not looking to fix our relationship, i just know that he really needs some help and that i care about him and I dont know what to do. I cant tell if he really does hate me or what is going on. I want to get him help, but i dont know how!

Answer
Hi Alysa,

Your boyfriend is an alcoholic/addict and there's nothing that you can do about it. He's in denial and he has no intention of stopping his behavior.

This was a codependent relationship and you've been hurt - both emotionally and physically. Threatening suicide is the ultimate manipulation to get you back. This is abusive - and you have to move on.

Here's a link that may help you:
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/ how-to-break-up.html

Most likely this guy will eventually  try to come back into your life. He knows that you want to help him and alcoholic looks for an enabler. Don't focus on him.

Think of the obsessive, abusive messages he left you. Think of the physical abuse - and when you rejected him, he told you he hated you and found someone else.  

If he contacts you point him to AA meetings - don't get him help. He has to help himself.

Stay strong,

Hope this explains the situation.

Thank you for writhing All Experts.
Beverley
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com