Expert: Clyde - 3/18/2009

Question
My boyfriend and I were dating for about a year in a half, but now I'm in the process of leaving within two weeks. I do not know how to recognize an alcoholic, I do not know what an alcoholic means, so therefore, I'm not sure if my boyfriend is an alcoholic or not. He likes to take long break periods from booze for a month, sometimes 3 months, and if he really feels up to it, a year. But when he does drink, he tends to do what I like to call "All or nothing" syndrome. When he finishes his 12 pack, he goes out and gets more, and when he's done with that, he still goes out and gets more and more booze. And sometimes, he tends to pick a verbal fight with me. Bottom line, I want to know if he's an alcoholic. And I want to know what Alcoholism means.

Answer
D,
    Thank you for your questions and for explaining some of the behaviors.

    There are a myriad of alcoholic drinking patterns and the one you are describing is known as "binge drinking."  These kind of drinkers can go long stretches with out picking up but when they do it is "all or nothing." They may totally forget all that happened because they often black out and do not have any memory of the episode.  It is my opinion that a binge drinker is a type who knows they have a problem with alcohol and the guilt causes them to hold off which gives them a false sense of not being an alcoholic.

    Alcoholism is more of a thinking thing than a drinking thing.  We say that it is an "allergy of the body" - meaning that it affects our bodies differently - but it is a strong "mental obsession" as well.  Physiologically speaking, an alcoholic's metabolism of the alcohol is different and it has a much more pronounced effect on the nervous system.  Alcoholics like the feeling they get from this "high" and they begin to "crave" the effects.  Most all alcoholics in recovery will tell you that they drank for the effect.  It is a release from cares and allows an escape from the real world.  Unfortunately, we forget that the problems and cares are going to be there when we sober up!  The mental obsession sets in when we become overwhelmed with life and seek the release again and again.

    Alcoholism is a disease - it is not a moral issue. You can not tell an alcoholic to "just quit" because it is sort of hard-wired into their systems to abuse alcohol.  The best way to arrest the alcoholic tendency is through abstinence for life and a very effective means is through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  We learn about life and our messed up thinking about dealing with life on life's terms.

    I would highly recommend your getting a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled Alcoholics Anonymous if you are interested in knowing something of our thinking patterns.  It was written by the founders of AA, "Dr. Bob" and "Mister Bill" - mostly Bill, and it gives you the true thoughts of an alcoholic's brain and ways to recognize that alcoholism has begun.

     I hope that this helps and write again if I may be of any further help.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde