Expert: Druideck - 3/31/2009

Question
My father was only with me until I was three and wasn't a part of my life for 13 years. since he made contact with my sister and I when I was 16 its been hit and miss. We recently have started talking again, he even has excepted my boyfriend. But dad is, even though I know theres really no such thing a functioning alcoholic. He works hard and only really drinks beer but after so many years of it his body doesn't process it like it used to. he's tried and failed to get sober I don't know how many times, but when we are together he drinks, I drink on occasion but my mother is a recovering alcoholic for almost 21 years now and I know I have been to more meetings than my father in my quest to support my mom. I have elders that have changed my dippers, I have even had a young first timer turn around from leaving a meeting to go back after a heart to heart in the parking lot. But when it comes to my father I don't know what to say we don't know each other well enuff to me to even know what he really cares about. sometimes I think he only tries to have me around because hes my father not because he wants me there. Any suggestions on a direction to go would be appreciated. sincerely Hannah

Answer
Hannah,

sometimes people do have relationships
out of guilt rather than clear choice.
I think the question is do you want
to be involved with him at this point?

Are you getting anything out of the
relationship or do you stick around
because he is your "father"?
What he wants is not as important
as what you want as he was not
around for many years anyway.

Don't have relationships because
you "should". Get to know him
only if you really want to
for your own reasons.
If you feel uncomfortable around
him then just slowly back away
from spending time with him.

If you feel confident in expressing
how you feel to him then do that.
Maybe he is not sure of how to relate
to you either since he doesn't
really know you very well.

Follow your own heart and let
go if you don't want to spend time
with him. You may have to accept
him as is or pull away.
Choices like this are never easy.
But acting truthfully will set you free
either way.