Question Hi There,
My friend Janet and I are 44 years old and we have been friends for over 30 years. We used to tell each other just about everything and talked almost everday.
She lost her 25 year old son in November. She has been doing well its seems but I feel shes holding too much in.
Anyways, she has this issue when she drinks wine or liquor. She gets very hateful and mean. This worsened after the death of her son. I was at her home to celebrate her bday and as the night went on she carried on cussing at me and cutting me down to her daughter, and by 2 am I laid there and had to listen to her for hours call me every name in the book to her husband. She picked me up so I had no way to get home as I live over an hour away. I confronted her about it and she says well sorry and I know you dont want to be my friend anymore. Like wow can you even try to save this relationship. SO, my question is...does she really feel this way as they say alcohol is truth serum or what?? She does this to her husband as well (who drinks alot too) I took my space for now As I felt it was best for me.. Please help.
Cheryl
Answer Dear Cheryl
Alcohol is not a truth serum. Alcoholics are pathological liars. What is happening is the alcohol is numbing her defense mechanisms and the anger and frustration she feels about her son's abandoning her comes out at the nearest available target, which that night happened to be you. Quite frankly, it has nothing to do with you. For your own mental and emotional health, you might want to avoid talking or seeing her if she is going to drink. Talk to her in the morning, for example. My parents were alcoholics, I had a private rule never to go out with them after lunch. Lunch was okay, but after that they would start drinking and it would always get ugly. So I learned to manage the relationship in a healthy way. You might look for healthy ways to communicate with her before she starts drinking. She will deal with the loss of her son, or not. Be good to yourself and detach. Good luck.
