Expert: Amarnath.B - 4/4/2009

Question
My husband drinks more days of the week than he doesn't.  When he drinks he gets real mean and says a lot of hurtful things to me and my mother.  I have always heard that is when a drunk tells the truth - he tells me he doesn't know what he is saying and I shouldn't pay any attn to it, but how can i when the things he says/does is so hurtful?

Answer
Hello Darlene,

Thank you for your question.  

Most people who have repressed their feelings and who abuse alcohol, tend to speak out and act out under the influence of alcohol.  They may not mean what they say, but these are the feelings that are internalized when they are sober.  For example, if your husband does not approve certain things that you or your mother does, he will not react immediately.  He will internalize this and when drunk will have the courage to speak up.  Next day when sober he will have remorse and will deny all that he would have said the previous night.  Which is also true.  An alcoholic blacks out and will experience memory loss.  He will not remember what he would have said or done.  This can be dangerous.  

An alcoholic does not have an alcohol problem but he has a living problem.  I don't know the history of your husband's drinking.  I cannot actually tell you if your husband is an alcoholic or not.  There is a lot of difference between alcohol abuse and alcohol dependency.  If you could tell me more about your husband's drinking pattern in the past and the present, I might be able to help.

God bless


Amarnath