Expert: Beverley Glazer - 4/10/2009

Question
So, I have a problem when it comes to being out and social drinking and don't know how to quite deal with the problem.

My fiancée and I have been together for 3 years now, and this has been an ongoing problem. When we first met, we did a lot of social drinking with friends and discovered early on that I had a problem with alcohol.

I don't intentionally go out of my way to get drunk, in fact I would rather avoid it but it seems like I either can't control myself and will keep pouring myself more drinks or my fiancée will have to baby-sit and it will usually distract her from having a good time of her own.

I love my fiancée and would never do anything to hurt her, but I can't seem to avoid this issue, as it has repeatedly been a point of discussion, usually with me pleading for forgiveness and making promises to not do it again and though I acknowledge the problem, I don’t do anything about it but make a statement that it won’t happen again.

The cycle repeats form there...

I don’t want this to happen though.  I thought personally for a while that I was in fact doing better in regards to drinking.  But as my fiancée points out to me, it's not that I've gotten better but I don't have the opportunity to drink as often as I used to.  And she's right. The only thing that has really changed isn't me as much as it's been that I don't get presented with the opportunity to actually drink heavily.

When it's just the two of us at home, I'm content to sip wine with dinner or we will split a bottle if we're out for a nice meal.  I don't drink daily and don't feel driven to drink, but when I do drink it seems like I can't really keep track of my drinking and will end up drinking too much.

Should I quit drinking all together?  Or would it be better to establish limits?  I’ve tried both of these here and there, and in the end it always seems to come back to the same conversation every couple of months when I drink too much alcohol again.

I want to put my fiancée’s mind at rest, and want to gain her trust.  I know that simply saying that I can make a change isn't working for me, so I would like to get some advice on the best way to deal with the issue.  I love my fiancée and want more than anything for her to trust me and be confident that I can take care of myself.

Thank you.


Answer
Hi Michael,

Your fiancee may be right.  You control yourself when you and your fiancee are together, but when the opportunity presents itself you binge.

Here's more information: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/binge-drinking.html

Here are some tips: When you go out, set up the scenario.
                                  Don't drink on an empty stomach,
                                  Come late, leave early,
                                  Drink slowly (no more that (1  1/2 glasses- at 2 you'll start to lose it. )
                                  Drink sodas, water etc to pass the time.

Take a drink to be social, but tell yourself that you're there for the conversation, or the food or whatever.

You won't get a buzz with 1 1/2 drinks, but you'll be more confident and proud of yourself the next day.

I hope this information is helpful.

Thank you for writing All Experts


Best of luck!

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com