Expert: Beverley Glazer - 4/27/2009

Question
i am a mother of 4 children,my husband drinks nearly every day stoppin at the pub for 1 0r 2 lagers before coming home from work with his carry out of 4/6 cans of cider to do him until after work the next day then it is the same all over again.
Only last week i told him no more alcohol in the house,to go out to the pub if he wanted to drink he stormed of in a huff.
All he could say was it is my house as well and i am not leaving and if i don't like it then leave (so he does not even have the respect for his wife and kids to leave )therefor to ease the tension in the house i tryed to talk with him and say how about 3 days a week including the w/end which at first was agreed,but it ended up Mon,wed,frid,sat, keeping in mind he does football on a Thursday night.Sat, he was at the pub and i asked him not to drink anymore when he came home which he did not then on Sunday when he came back from the pub he had drank the 2 cans which were in the house by the time i got in from my work and he also wanted me to take him in the car to go to the shop to buy more when i said i wouldn't once again he became verbally abusive and it was upsetting my youngest one,he actually got up for work this morning and ignored me,it is my day off what do i have to look forward to my husband coming home with his usual carry out of drink to open  as soon as he is in the door.

Answer
Hi Karen,

I answered this question yesterday but it's still sitting in the question pool so you may not have received it. This sometimes happens with the system so Just incase, I'm resending it.

Hi Karen,

Being a mother of 4 is more than enough stress, without having to deal with an alcoholic. Your husband is using intimidation to continue drinking and he'll continue to do this because he thinks he can.

There is no easy way to deal with an alcoholic. You have to demand that he gets help and tell him that as much as you love him, because of his behavior, you'll have to leave for the sake of the kids.

It would be helpful for you to go to Al Anon meetings, where you can find strength and support of others in similar situations. This will help you to stay strong and demand that he goes to treatment. Start with AA and point him to the meetings, but don't nag. He's the one who has to help himself.

Usually alcoholics get themselves involved in codependent relationships.

If this is your situation it's even harder for you to stand up to him.

This page may be helpful:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/how-to-break-up.html

There are some good books on Codependency by Melodie Beatie - also helpful.

Focus on yourself and the family. He's got to shape up. He's not a partner for you and at this point, drink has allowed him to disconnect from the rest of the family.

Get the help that you need - not easy I know, but do it.

If you need more information, don't hesitate to ask.

Thank you for writing All Experts

Beverley Glazer MA

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com