Expert: Beverley Glazer - 4/12/2009

Question
ok well i have this boyfriend and i am afraid that he is an alcoholic, we been together for about an year and we care for each other alot. He is older than me hes 31 and me im a little younger (19). I belive we have a strong relationship and are very open with each other, but i notice some addiction issues,The thing is i am just not sure if he is just having fun or if its a real problem I'm kind of on the fence. His problem seems to be
Gambling- he is always loosing money form playin poker $600.00 at a time even more and he plays poker about 4 times a week.He drinks and get very drunk about 5 times a week some times more he has not been violent with me yet and doesnt scream at me or anything like that he mostly just vents about how the world is messed up and how people are messing with him, he just goes on all night about things and starting trouble with alot of people and all this extra crap. I am  feelin like it can be a real problem he's always gettin into bar figths like really serious ones and im starting to belive he doesnt care about life.I have caught him lyin to me while drunk. i told him he might need those A-A meetings but he says no i can stop if i wanted to but i dont belive that so i just want to kno like is he addicted to gambling and alchol?
From my understanding hes been drinking and gambling for years before me,and i also feel as if he puts his life in danger with all the things he does.....

Answer
Hi Crysatal

It sounds like your boyfriend may be developing a gambling and/or drinking problem but he's in denial. Alcohol is a depressant and his negativity is due to his lifestyle.

No matter how hard you try to help him, he's the one who has to get the help he needs. Tell him where the AA and GA meetings are in your area and demand that he goes.

Ask yourself: Is his life unmanageable: ex. is he in debt? Never has money? Owes money? etc.
Here's a page that can help you for more drinking info:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/alcohol-addiction.html

There are also many pages on the site that can help you with both drinking and gambling.

All alcoholic/addicts tell themselves that they can stop, but they don't - so the 'disease' gets worse.

Be firm with him. Tell him that he has to do something about his behavior because you love him very much and it's affecting the relationship.

If he doesn't try to get help, think twice about staying with him. You're young - no need to spend the rest of your life with a man who's first love is his addictions.

Thank you for writing All Experts,
Hope this information is helpful.

Good luck,
Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com