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Addiction to Alcohol/My boyfriend just started AA

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Expert: - 4/13/2009


Question
Hi. Thanks for listening.
My boyfriend just started AA for the 2nd time.
He started going before but was doing it for the wrong reason. He went back this time because he fell off a roof and landed on his head when he was wasted. We broke up before the roof incident and have recently gotten back together.  My question is how can I help.  What are the little things I can do to help out. I realize that he needs to do this on his own, but I feel like a person in the crowd just watching.  I never realized how bad it was until we were at chuckecheese with my son at 930am and all he said was - you know they serve beer here, i've already thought about getting one- and than that comment was made twice about bars we passed on the way home. Obvisouly if we were together he would have stopped. Is there anything I can do to help?
I also don't know how to handle the guys at aa telling him that this is not a good time for a relationship. I realize the road ahead is going to be very bumpy while he works through this - for how long i'm not sure.  But I've never been so in love or been treated better in my life by another man. I've seen him sober, I've seen him wasted, I've seen him vulnerable - I just want to help.
Thanks for listening!

Answer
Hi Sarah,

This will be really hard for you, because as you know, only your boyfriend can do something about staying clean and sober. It is a long and difficult journey and hardest in the first year.

The best way to understand the program is to know that not only has he to go to meetings, he has to get a beginner's chip and get a sponsor. Then he must work through the 12 steps with the sponsor.  These are the 12 steps:
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/12-step-program-of-aa.html

You have to be yourself and NOT say or do anything different because he has a problem. If there are problems in the relationship or with cravings, he should contact his sponsor and talk about it with him.

The only thing you can do is encourage him to keep going to meetings - no excuses. This is truly a one day at a time program. And it works, but only if he works the program.

Thank you for contacting All Experts,

All the best,

Beverley Glazer
http://untwist-your-thinking.com

Addiction to Alcohol

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Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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