Addiction to Alcohol/parent of an alcoholic

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Expert: - 4/2/2009


Question
My son is a practicing alcoholic.  He has been through rehab 3 or 4 times and actually had about 9 months of sobriety about a year ago. When he is sober - well I'm sure you've heard all that before.  The problem is that he WANTS to drink.  He doesn't seem to want to be normal.  To be responsible. He is not allowed in my home because of the abusive controlling way he gets when he drinks, and yet he feels that because I am his mom I should look the other way and just love him enough to put up with anything he seems to throw my way.  I can't and I won't.  The problem is that I can't talk to him.  At all.  No matter when he calls, even when he is sober, an argument always starts about his drinking. He is driving me truly insane, and I feel so guilty.  I know I cannot stop his drinking, but I don't know how to deal with him and not completely lose my mind.  There was a time when he did live in my home (the last time) when I found myself thinking "if he was dead this would all be over".  Now that is just not healthy.  What can I do?

Answer
Hi Sandi,

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to stop him from drinking - even with all the rehabs, he's still in denial.

In AA language," he has to hit bottom" to realize that he has to change. There are many kinds of 'bottoms' so it's not necessarily the very worst that you can imagine.

The important thing is that he realize that he's destroying himself and that he gets motivation to change.

Here's some info that may help you:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/treatment_recovery.html

It would be helpful for you to go to Al Anon meetings to help you overcome your guilt and anxiety with this kid. The members will be very helpful and accepting.

Right now you're doing nothing wrong. Don't give him any money or enable him in any way.  He will be very abusive, but stand firm. Demand that he goes to AA, gets a sponsor and gets well.

Stay strong!

Hope this info is helpful
Thanks for contacting All Experts

Beverley Glazer
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com  

Addiction to Alcohol

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Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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