Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 4/10/2009

Question
My sister has been an alcoholic for a few years.  She went through a 30 day rehab program, got a job and has appeared to be doing well.  I found out recently she is not and is drinking more than ever.  I have talked to her about it and she doesn't think she has a problem and does not want help.  I was wondering if I should let my parents know about her current condition.  It will cause major worry and frustration for them.  Which seems unnecessary since she refuses any help.

Answer
Hello Brandon,
It is so difficult to know what is the correct thing to do when a person you love is an alcoholic. Of course, you must do what feels right to you; you know your parents and their situation (how old they are; their health, etc). Generally, however, I think that keeping secrets about alcoholism is the wrong thing to do. If your sister had any other disease that is potentially life threatening you would tell your parents and enlist their help to try to persuade your sister to get help. Even though an alcoholic must hit bottom and make her own choices to get help, consequences in the form of loving but firm ineterventions from loved ones may help. Alcoholics are usually very sensitive; so, consistent, ongoing, firm, caring statements of concern about her drinking with urging that she stop drinking, from you and your parents can have an impact over time. I recommend this website: Gettingthemsober.com. There you can find more information that can educate you and your parents about how to act and react to your sister. Good luck,
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com