Question Should I trust that recovered alcoholic can drink nightly and not suffer negative effects. My husband completed a alcoholic recovery program over a 2 year period of time. He continued to be beligerent and threatend violence as long as I lived in the house. I moved 2000 miles away because his mood swings continued to be unpredictable. We have to see each other to support our college age children. Recently the whole family was together for 2 full weeks and the alcoholic had at least one drink every night. I do not have alcohol in my home but the day the family arrived he went to the store and bought whiskey, beer, and wine. He said he bought it all for me so I could enjoy a drink. Before he gave me the gift of liquor he had opened the whiskey and drank some. For 2 weeks he had at least 1 tall drink each night. I don't feel comfortable when he drinks but he claims he has it under control and he drinks with the guys when he goes to sporting events. Should I trust that he can drink nightly and never return to being the mean angry violent man he was before?
Answer Hello to you..
I can certainly see your frustration and anguish...it seems to me that the behavior of this man (and alcoholics in general) can be maddening.
I'd like to offer a ray of sunshine, however, I am not inclined to support your husband's contention that he can drink...what he is talking about is controlled drinking, and if he completed a program he would know without exception that drinking is not possible for him...now, there are people who believe that they can moderate their drinking to the place before their drinking caused problems, however, most research does not support your husband's position...eventually people engage in behavior which once again stimulates their desire to drink alcoholically,,,if your husband was able to manage his drinking he would be the exception to the rule.
It's important to make a distinction between addiction and dependence..when you talk about addiction you need to talk about the phenomenon of craving - no craving no addiction...dependent people generally have the same sorts of problems, but they don't experience withdrawal or cravings........it's also important to remember that some people have to drink in that their brain chemistry is compromised to the point that they need to drink to be normal...some alcoholics/drug addicts feel like they have no other choice, and the reality is that as chemical dependency is largely biochemical, people who have this impaired brain chemistry will have difficulty navigating sobriety in terms of total abstinence....however, from what you are telling me your husband does not fit into this category..
I think your contention is correct and that his behavior is both erratic and abusive...I think the best thing to do is to arm yourself with knowledge, set strong boundaries, and get a lot of support for you in the form of al-anon meetings or group therapy, and a few books: The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage,,,and Marriage on the Rocks.....you'll need to figure out which books is best for you......
You are always welcome to write back and let me know how it works out.
