Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 5/15/2009

Question
I have been with my partner for 11 years and married for over 2 years. He drinks every day without fail, anywhere between eight stubbies to 20 on the weekends. He is so agro and verbally aggressive to me and my kids, and never says sorry but will try and get out of it by saying I will make up for it. He is so ugly we he goes off I do not think I can say any longer, he try to say I am not drinking much lately, but he is. My mother was an alcoholic and I fell I am just trying to fix what I could not fix with her, now past on.

The swearing at me is verbal and aggressive do I leave, as there is no hope, as he said he does not have a problem.

Cheers  

Answer
Hello Kay,
I assume from the lnguage you use that you are in Australia. I gather that a "stubby" is about 12 oz. U.S. beer; 8-20 beers is excessive, of course. Drinking in the face of tension and disruption in a serious relationship, with negative personality change and abusive and "aggro" behaviors, plus denial and manipulative behaviors, all suggest alcoholism. In my view, no one need stay in an abusive relationship, especially since you were a victim of alcoholic behaviors from your mother, and suggest that you consider taking a clear stand with this man, telling him that the relationship cannot continue unless he gets sober and stays sober. But I realize that it is emotionally difficult to do this and suggest you think about getting help and support from Al-Anon, the 12 Step program for those in a relationship with an alcoholic: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/australia/ Good luck to you.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com