Expert: Beverley Glazer - 5/17/2009

Question
I need some advice on helping a friend become sober. He admits he has a problem and refuses all help other than me taking his "stash". He goes for weeks without showering, he does not eat, his bills are all deliquent and he hibernates in his home, cutting himself off from all contact. He does use his cell phone, but only calls people far away in other states.
Please advice on how I can help him, I love him dearly he is like a brother to me and he needs lots more help than I can offer.
Thank you

Answer
Hi Kelly,

It's obvious that your friend has mixed feelings about getting clean ex. asking you to take his 'stash', but he's still in denial. There's a fine line between helping an alcoholic/addict and enabling them.

It's hard, but you mustn't enable him. Don't lend money, pay bills etc, unfortunately he has to pay the consequences of his behavior, otherwise he won't change. Tell him you love him like a brother, but you can't watch him ruin his life. Tell him you're there for him but he needs help and he's the one who's got to get it. Here are treatment options:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/treatment.html

The least invasive interventions are 12 step programs, like AA, CA, NA. Help him by doing the research as to where the meetings are in your area and point him in the right direction, and tell him he musth go.

He will have every excuse in the book not to, but stand firm. There's plenty of help out there, he must reach out and get it.

Not easy, I know, but stand firm.

Hope this information is helpful
Thank you for asking All Experts,

Stay in touch,

Beverley Glazer MA
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com